Is Your Marriage a Bed of Roses?

Marriage is highly stressed in Islam, with husbands and wives described as being garments for one another (an-Nur: 30-31). That's nice - we can say alot of nice things about clothes, especially when they are fashionable, comfortable and clean.

Marriage is one of those things that happen in batches. When one couple ties the knot, it seems like everyone else is doing it too. There were weekends where my husband and I were invited to 3-4 weddings held on the same day. Luckily, due to the traditional Malay wedding being a staggered feast that goes on for several hours, it is possible to attend 3 wedding banquets on the same day.

After the wedding however, the opening chapter of marriage begins.

It's not a bed of roses, definitely. Many enthusiastic youngsters who have found their other half tend to look forward to endless sleepovers and chit chats. Allah has other plans though, all geared to make us grow stronger.

Over the few years that I and about a million of my friends have been married, I have noticed a distinct pattern that hits the newly weds. There will always be trouble within the first 6 months of matrimonial harmony.

The most common problem are financial issues. One of the couple usually loses his or her job. This is not intentionally, in most cases but due to other factors such as economic cut backs in companies. Otherwise, it would be the great debt the couple has to bear repaying the wedding loan. That causes substantial financial strain. Suddenly, the gleeful, rather shallow life most of us lived while depending on parents or just taking care of ourselves on a single salary disappears into a nightmare of financial turmoil. I found this most common in most couples.

Secondly, I always find, many newlyweds are separated after marriage. Work, family circumstances, studies - they all amount to some sort of separation where the couple only meet during weekends or holidays. This is strange but I have seen it so many times that it can be quite comical, in a mean way.

There are other problems couples face during the first few months of marriage. Living with in-laws, literally or not, sometimes poses a problems. Especially if the in-laws are the type that have not accepted their son or daughter sharing his or her life with someone else other than them. I guess it is difficult to see a child leave the nest but I have seen couples batter with overbearing parents that cause more distress upon the marriage than harmony.

What else? Babies, oh yes. Miscarriages, difficulty to conceive - all this can happen during the first year. Complicated pregnancies, no less. I've seen them all. And although there is a work around to every problem that Allah throws upon us, many couples find they break before building up strength to overcome their obstacles.

It is probably best to remember that Allah will not place a burden upon ourselves that we are unable to shoulder. And since we are garments to our spouses, it is time to be the best garment yet.

But no matter what the work-around is, nothing can be better for you marriage than complete surrendership to Allah's will, filled with prayers and supplication.

"Verily, for all men and women who have surrendered themselves unto God, and all believing men and believing women, and all truly devout men and truly devout women, and all men and women who are true to their word, and all men and women who are true to their word, and all men and women who are patient in adversity, and all men and women who humble themselves [before God], and all men and women who give in charity, and all self-denying men and self-denying women, and all men and women who are mindful of their chastity, and all men and women who remember God unceasingly, for [all of] them has God readied forgiveness of sins and a mighty reward."
(al-Ahzab: 35)